THE ORDEALS OF MODERN WIDOWS IN IGBO LAND: How An Effective Widow-Protection Mechanisms Were Destroyed

THE ORDEALS OF MODERN WIDOWS IN IGBO LAND

How Effective Widow-Protection Mechanisms Were Destroyed

By Anayo M. Nwosu

When Mbelu, my grandfather’s immediate younger brother died, he left behind his wife, Nwaakụagbala and three children. Immediately after his funeral rites, the wife had to undergo the ritual of head shaving.

Shaving of the widow’s head was performed by the elderly wives of the kindred and the female relatives of the dead man. Once the widow’s head was shaven clean, the male relatives of the deceased were invited to line up before the new look widow who would be asked by the women to hand the agụba or the knife used for the shaving to one of the brothers or cousins of her dead husband.

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Madam Nwaakụagbala handed over the shaving knife to her husband’s eldest brother, Nwosu Ezeechedolu, my grandfather. Right from there, my grandfather took her as a concubine and was required to provide for her and her three children. She was expected to grace the bed of my grandfather, an exercise that led to the birth of Nwaakụagbala’s fourth child, a son. However, the son though sired by my grandfather was not regarded as his but that of Mbelu, his dead younger brother.

It is noteworthy that my grandfather didn’t have to seek his wife’s permission to accept the moral and traditional responsibility of taking care of his brother’s widow even though the wife might not like the idea but she had to live with it. It was our culture.

The event as described above happened in Otolo Nnewi in the mid-1940s just as it happened from time immemorial until the coming of the white man “tinye mmiri n’opi ụgbọgụlụ” or “spoilt things”.

The act of a male relation of a deceased taking over the physical welfare of the widow as well as her sexual needs is called ịmachịlị nwaanyị or ịkuchi nwaanyị in Igbo land.

There were many of such well-crafted protection mechanisms geared towards preserving the family stock, taking care of the widows and orphans of dead family members until the massive onslaught against Igbo traditional practices by Colonial influences and Christianity that was quick to condemn the practice of ịma chịlị nwaanyị without providing a workable alternative.

In Nnewi and in most Igbo land, it is rare to see a widow with children who would opt to remarry after her husband’s death. They usually remain as widows to raise their children. They need to stay to safeguard their children’s inheritance.

Widows started suffering in Nnewi when a group of Catholic women known as Ndi Otu Kristi invented a way of denying their dead husband’s brothers the entitlement or reward for helping their dead brothers’ households. Widows of Ndi Otu Kristi didn’t want to commit adultery with their husbands’ male relatives and at the same time would want to enjoy the economic protection the male relatives offer.

My mum was one of the Ndi Otu Kristi women even though she was not the first to bell the cat in the Nwosu family. Her group tested the ground when Ogbonnaya, my father’s stepbrother died in the early 1970s, his widow, Mama Ngozi in her 30s, shocked all the ụmụ nwoke Nile kwụ amụ or able-bodied men in our extended family by giving the agụba or shaving knife to a two-year-old Tochukwu, my younger brother. Mama Emeka did the same thing when Anthony, her husband died. She also gave the knife to another toddler.

My mum, Mama Obiora, took the new abnormality to another level when my father died in 1978 and she gave her own agụba or shaving knife to Obiora, my elder brother.

I don’t know if the men in the family held a meeting but I could tell that they didn’t like what the women did. That could be the reason why they told them “jezie nụ bulu afọ Ụkpọ ka ụnụ zụọ ka anyị fụ!” meaning “you widows think that you’re smart, come and get assistance from us by force”.

I guess that the annoyance caused by what Mama Ngozi, Mama Emeka and my mum did cause Ozuomee, my father’s brother not to care much for us. I don’t blame him. Onye lukwe nya sị kwọ na ọ bulu ya.

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It was unpalatable for the children of the aforementioned widows as we saw hell from our uncles, as our mothers had to become alpha males to raise their children. Our uncles felt that if the women were selfish enough to deny them their cultural entitlement of bed warming, they should also bear the consequences of their decisions.

Reading Bible as an adult beyond where the European church shows me to read, I have read Genesis 38 time and time again, especially verse 8 where Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife. Perform your duty as her brother-in-law and raise up offspring for your brother.”

Ọnan was to sleep Tamar, the widow of his elder brother named Er.

Biko nụ, what is the difference between ịhachi Nwaanyị as practiced in Nnewi and in other parts of Igbo land and the Jewish practice recorded in Genesis 38?

The Current generation of Nnewi citizens has bought the chicken known as Christianity from the European sellers and are eating it without removing the feathers. By so doing, we have neglected what God permitted to the Jews which has also worked for us.

Even though some kindhearted and tradition beholding Nnewi men strive to meet the material and sexual needs of the widows of our dead relatives, there exists now a dangerous trend that scares the widow helpers.

Some grown-up sons of Igbo widows, who themselves, have girlfriends could not stand the presence of any uncle or man who is ready to give their mothers a breast-depressing hug, not to talk of catching them in compromising positions. A glorified Oedipus complex of some sort.

Ịnụkwọm, these boys would rather that their mothers remain celibate and prayerful, even as she watches them, having fun with their girlfriends or wives.