How To Tame That Your Randy Husband

How To Tame That Your Randy Husband

By Anayo M. Nwosu

Kunle is a very smart guy who identified his boss’ needs and was very handy in meetings and surpassing his Oga’s expectations.

Being a bad boy in the university was not an entirely bad experience as Kunle guessed correctly, the specifications his boss wanted in a “toy girl” and he arranged just that for him.

A young light-skinned girl with naturally rounded boobs makes Mr Kenie go gaga. Even at 51, he still likes them young.

It was a quarterly business review (QBR) which lasted for a whole weekend where regional managers and all management staff of the Hillcrest Bank would converge in a hotel to review the bank’s performance in the last three months, stem negative deviations from agreed targets and plan on how to meet and surpass the agreed budget .

It’s not all business for some ogas who saw the three days escape from home as an opportunity to try new things.

They would choose from an array of young undergraduates, corporate call girls and part-time pleasure consultants camped in or outside the retreat venue by brokers.

Kunle had for three years now, provided his boss with firebrand girls.

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Unbeknownst to his boss, Kunle would first test the lady to ascertain that the body indices were those that appeared standing and would not disappear or sag when the bras are down.

He also ensured that the selected lady was good in bed more especially in the orals as his oga enjoyed “pushed to start”. It’s only then would he present the tested and confirmed lady to Mr Kenie, his boss, for his pleasure.

Kunle made it clear to the ladies undergoing testing that only the best would be selected and that his boss would pay for the work done during the auditioning and the actual performance.

Kunle’s colleagues in the office kept wondering why he had enjoyed rapid promotions and why he did no wrong in the office.

This time around, Lara beat other ladies to emerge Kunle’s pick for the oga. But the heavily endowed Lara was surprised at the lame attitude of Kunle’s boss in bed.

The Oga appeared so tired and spent.

Mr Kenie liked Lara and her endowment but couldn’t get himself to perform.

Work as Lara worked on him, the real Mr Kenie could not come to the party. The spirit was willing but the body was weak.

If Kunle didn’t give Lara a seal of approval, she would have lost confidence in her bedmatics prowess.

What could be the problem? She was sure that she didn’t have body odour or an offensive tattoo on her body.

“Is the man impotent?” She asked herself.

But, she was compensated handsomely as she was going.

Labake, Mr Kenie’s wife was the cause of her husband’s inability to perform.

She had come to know the game too well and had put to practice all that she learnt from an Adhoc tale by Ikenga Ezenwegbu, a senior colleague in her office a week before, on how to tame an oversexed husband.

Labake too is heavily endowed and never let her childbearing disfigure her model-like looks. She is as beautiful as she is toastable.

Labake had to wear a bold wedding ring to advertise her unavailability but some men would still chase her.

Even with the beauty of his wife, Mr Kenie still looked outside. Perhaps the wife had been saddled with time-consuming family and work issues to ignore the need to service her man as appropriate.

So, the husband had extra energy to spare.

But, that was about to change.

Labake had made love to her husband on that very Thursday night and mischievously seduced him again in the morning of the Friday before he left for the QBR.

Mr Kenie left home with an empty tank of spermatozoa.

The wife had harvested the content of the scrotum and the sperm remnants in the epididymis or pipes connecting the balls to the penis or phallus, the very way a chef squeezes the intestines of a goat to drain it of its contents before cooking.

The good news is that a wife can curtail her husband’s randiness by ensuring that he leaves the house with an empty tank of sperm especially when she suspects that the man has some “arrangements”.
The effect is the same in all animals.

Have you not noticed the behaviour of a cock that had just climbed down from the back of a hen?

The expended cock would only spread its limb feathers and hop around any other hen within his location but can’t mount again. He has emptied his tank.

Also, a sexually satisfied he-goat can only be seen humming “hepu! hepu!” around even a needy she-goat on heat. That’s an empty arrogance as the he-goat has nothing to give till later in the day or next morning.

Being that a total cure of madness doesn’t eliminate intermittent winking of eyelids, a sexually saturated randy man can only be seen embracing and cuddling women after the act but cannot fire. The tank is empty.

That was the state of Mr. Kenie on that Friday night in his hotel room after Day 1 of the QBR and all through the next day as the thought of “doing” could not be matched with a knack “to do”.

Can an empty gun shoot?

Are you a wife, and you think or reasonably suspect that your man is philandering or oversexed or is randy and is planning to go on a business tour, you could adopt the Labake’s therapy.

Harvest your man’s energy a day before his travel date and in the morning of his departure.

Let him travel light. By so doing, you are sure that your man would be faithful to his marital fidelity.

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My dear female friends, don’t only pray about it, do something creative.

Reduce the the scrotal load of your man and make him see other women as “sisters” not as sex targets.

It works.

Even I, as saintly as I am, can testify to its efficacy.

I also acknowledge that some men, like their counterparts in the female folks, are just impossible and are beyond redemption.

Those impossible species of men should be quarantined in a RUGA Settlement.