Five Things You Need To Know About Finding A Sugar Mummy In Nigeria

A plus-size woman in her fifties, with worn-out cleavage, dark glasses and a false smile. Your image of a sugar mummy. Add a fat account balance somewhere, an exotic car, a house in the costliest area in Lagos or Abuja or Port Harcourt. Plus a generous hand, itching to part with a car key, a house, a cheque.

And she is sex-starved and looking for a marathon in bed. Fantasy. But it is okay, you are a dummy. Nollywood might have sold you a crab or your mind is getting wild. A bout of untreated malaria or just stress or mental tiredness. Sugar mummies in Nigeria are not anything like this. You might find a sugar mummy like these, in one or two thousand but don’t bet on it.

Editor’s Note: The featured image used herein is not an image of a sugar mummy and shouldn’t, on no account, be viewed so.

1. The industry is shrouded in a scam.

The internet is littered with a ton of Facebook pages, WhatsApp numbers and websites run by “agents” who would hook you up with the dream sugar mummy that “will change your life completely”.  Nine out of ten, these agents are scammers. They would ask you to sign a form, ask for a registration fee, or ask that you send recharge cards with which they can contact your would-be client. Or all. The hustle is real. In fact, you are lucky if you get scammed this early. Some people have been hooked up and met with criminals who robbed them.

Sometimes, too, these websites are just clickbait sites to get traffic to some slimy cheap blog. This is the least of the trouble. A worse case is you clicking on a hacking farm and having your social media accounts compromised. This is Nigeria, there are always people who make fake things out of every good or service. For sugar mummies, the foundation, the roof and the painting on the house are fake.

2. They treat boys like toys.

Let’s drop the metaphor. Sugar boys are basically gigolos. It is about sex. If she wanted something serious, she wouldn’t be a sugar mummy. The companionship and sweetness you offer make you a better lover, nothing more. The reward is usually per night.

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If you came through a middleman, he pays you a fixed amount and you can only expect a tip from her. In rare occasions, she would buy you off and make you her personal toy. But normally, you come in, pull your trousers, give her some loving and get paid for service rendered.

3. It is mostly a plural affair.

Sugar mummies. If you sign up to do this and you get a real agent (a rarity but not an impossibility) and you are very good which means, but not limited to you lasting hours in bed, then be ready to work. Hard. You won’t have a single sugar mummy who would change your life. You will become a stud goat, going from hotel to hotel bedding women on heat and getting paid through a cigarette smoking con star who wouldn’t have kept you if you weren’t so good and he wasn’t fleecing you.

4. It is not all straight.

It is not all about sugar mummies and sugar sons. Add daughters to the equation and you have a rounder picture of the sugar buds. Some of these sugar mummies are straight, some are gay and some, still, do both sexes. A bisexual woman will take a boy or a girl to bed depending on her mood. She might take both to bed for maximum enjoyment. The fact is that it is not granted that a sugar mummy must be heterosexual; there are lesbian sugar mummies and there is a market for them.

5. Sugar Mummies are not all sugar.

Perhaps they are not sugar mummy if they have no sugar. But money is not the only thing on offer. There are small but consistent complaints by men of women in the head who wouldn’t pass their file, sign their paper, make a recommendation without taking him to bed. Sexual harassment is the plain name. This is Nigeria so throw a couple of things into the midst. Reneged promises, bounced cheques, an angry husband with two hefty bouncers, a need for a fresh head for rituals. Anything is possible on the road. But there should not be confusing of the bottom line. Sugar mummy is not all sugar and rosy.