Sometimes when couples’ lives have been rocked by major events like stressful festive period, child birth, illness, job loss, relocation and so on, it’s likely that the last thing they want to do is stoke the flames of passion.
This is because trauma can temporarily, and sometimes permanently, crush the chemical signals that affect arousal and desire. However, it’s important to note that these negative effects are just temporary and there are ways to bring back your spouse’s libidinal desire and put the heat back into your love life.
Festive and celebration times come with lots of joy and partying. It is a time to be merry and comes once in a while, yet this period can leave you so exhausted that all you want to do after each day is go straight to sleep. And before you know it you are ignoring and taking for granted one of the most important person to you: your spouse.
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After the merriment of that day to remember, to keep the spark in your relationship alive you can send quick, flirtatious text messages to your partner during the day-time. It very important to spend time together – at least 20 minutes daily before sleeping off; using this transition time together will leave you relaxed enough to make time for lovemaking later on in the deep night or early mornings.
Childbirth is another joyful time that comes with unimaginable stress – especially for the wife. A woman suddenly goes from being a lover to a mother, her vagina is now a birth canal and her breasts are for feeding a child. Some wives even have stitches from caesarian section or episiotomy, while the bloodstream is being flooded with a hormone called oxytocin, causing many to focus on bonding with their babies than wanting to make love.
Many couples have sleepless nights changing diapers, and on top of these physical changes come emotional ones. But despite these shifts, couples can still pave the way to a complete return of sexual functioning by being physically affectionate as soon as the baby arrives which usually happens slowly, over the course of three to six months.
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For most women, being embraced and touched is the most important form of foreplay. So, rediscover sex by reaching out for hugs, kiss holding hands – even when the two of you are holding the baby.
Once you’re both comfortable with leaving the baby, create time for physical intimacy in your hectic new mom-father schedule by having a friend or family babysit so you both can enjoy some time together. Even if you don’t have sex, make sure your night ends with a few minutes of cuddling in each other’s arms. Sooner than you expect sex is rediscovered in a strong and powerful way.
When either of the spouse is diagnosed with life-altering disease, ordinarily one is not expected to think or ask for sex until the sick one is well or on the road to recovery. Instead of this being a temporary thing, many couples rule intimacy out of their relationship altogether.
It may be true that you may not be physically able to have sex, but you can set the stage for future intimacy by getting into a deep level of communication, so that your emotional connection stays strong; just to make sure your relationship is not to blame for your current lack of sexual spark. As soon as your health permits, get sexually intimate immediately.
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The more sexual pleasure you experience the more your organs get activated and the more your total wellness improves. Though it may take time to reignite your libido, especially if your illness was linked to your reproductive organs, this is where spouses should be friendlier with one another so as to gain each other’s confidence and understanding.
Most times many husband with erectile dysfunction-related problems such as diabetes, hypertension, enlarged prostate gland and obesity find it difficult to bring their wives into the picture. Instead of finding solutions together at this stage, many drift apart for lack of good communication.
Just as drugs to treat serious illness can dampen desire, so too can medications for diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure and other common conditions. For example, some birth control pills lower women’s libido more than other oral contraceptive formulas. But when couples share virtually every life issue together things work out well in spite of prevailing challenges.
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Testosterone reaches its lowest level at menopause, which happens on average at age 51. The thyroid hormone levels nose-dive; leaving most women with less energy for lovemaking, and blood flow to the genitals lessens, inhibiting lubrication. But menopause doesn’t mean the end of scorching sex. It could be rediscovered when you give your body the extra time it now needs to get aroused, or find a sexual lubricant that works for you.
When one partner discovers an act of infidelity, the offended person will likely be too hurt and angry to even want to have sex. But I have discovered that couples that stay together and work thing out may have a better relationship than when they newly got married. Trust could be re-established and the relationship can be rebuilt into a healthier one and eventually, having sex can help the two of them regain emotional intimacy.
The death of a loved one can even turn some spouses off sex and if care is not taken this could permanently destroy the union. So, as you mourn your loss, it’s essential that you communicate your grief so your partner is aware of it and will be patient with you when it comes to resuming sex.
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Tell him or her how you feel so he or she can get a sense that you are suffering and not just rejecting his or her sexual signals. Then make time together to share what makes you feel alive and happy even as you are honouring your loss. A study has shown that physical intimacy can help relieve depression and emotional pain.
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