Methods Of Settling Marital Issues In A Typical Igbo Town

Methods Of Settling Marital Issues In A Typical Igbo Town

By Anayo M. Nwosu

INTRODUCTION

It is a popular saying in Nnewi that “onweghi ebe e gburufelu ngwuru ngwere a nọghọ” meaning that there is no home without an issue.

Nnewi wives are told by their mothers that “di bụ ndidi” meaning that “marriage is a call for endurance”.

The men are brought up to know that “nwanyị bụ ife nyịrị ànyị” meaning that a woman or wife is “an insurmountable obstacle to be lived with”.

However, a couple may prove a mismatch or lack marital understanding hence the need to help whip them into line.

VARIOUS ISSUES AND SOLUTION ;

-BATTERY: The solution to stop a man’s habitual beating of the wife is simple. The brothers of the wife would arrange a good beating for the husband mostly outside his home in the presence of his wife who would pretend to be begging her brothers and cousins not to kill her husband for her. It is an effective treatment.

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-INABILITY OF THE WIFE TO HAVE A CHILD

All infertility issues are heaped on the woman.
If the man is impotent, the elders come in or intervene.

The needy couple shall visit a man with a proven “knife” to ask for assistance. They go with a keg of palm wine.

The host would ask his own wife to excuse them when the topic is introduced. The act of “helping ” happens in the infertile man’s house.

When the helper comes, the home owner goes to a friend’s house until the “helping act” ends.

The wife cooks “ụtara ede and ofe ọha” to the delight of the surrogate man while the husband would have kept a good palm wine for the the labourer to drink to charge or recharge. The help-service of the surrogate man ends with visible conception.

If after so many tries of “helping” and nothing happens, the wife won’t even oppose that her husband marries a second wife.

The wife in this circumstance usually goes to bring her younger sister or a relation to become a co-wife. This ensures that the family rhythm is maintained.

Same is applicable to a family in need of a male child. An Nnewi man can marry two sisters and/or their cousins. It’s not abhorred.

THE ROLES MOTHER-IN-LAW/SISTERS-IN-LAW;

The mothers-in-law are a supreme court in Nnewi marriages. They arrive whenever the sons complain or whenever the sense danger to their son happiness or clear-headedness.

They can even annul a marriage by chasing a headache-inducing wife away. Where the mother stops, the Ụmụada (the married sisters of the man) would continue.

When the heat is too much, the wife may decide to tarry for the sake of the kids or moves out.

There is no room for a misbehaving wife until her own children grow into young adults.

However, the same mothers-in-law would hound their son to behave well if the wife is adjudged good.

A wife who had to move out of her marital home can be brought back by her son whenever he builds his own house but never into his father’s house.

THE ROLE OF MEN OR ELDERS;

Nnewi elders or ụmụnna only get involved if the wife’s people formally complain that their daughter is being maltreated.

In a meeting, the in-laws would state their mission and the wife is asked to state her case to see if there is a correlation.

The inlaws are thanked with a promise by the elders to wade in and resolve the problem.

The couple is summoned later for a meeting. The woman is allowed to state her grievances and thereafter, she is asked to go back to her house and wait, the men would now counsel the husband and fine him a goat and wine for mismanaging his home.

The wife is later called back. She will be assured that the issue has been resolved but that she should know that “di bụ ngwugwu” meaning that “marriage is a parcel of unknown and non-rejectable content”.

Then the wife is asked to kneel down and beg her husband for forgiveness, guilty or not guilty.

The wife usually does this with deep emotions but the couple would wake up the following morning smiling from both sides of their faces.

POINTS TO NOTE;

A husband is never humiliated in front of his wife in Nnewi.

The man is not compelled to state his own case before umunna. He will be advised based on the woman’s presentation. How would it sound if he reveals that the matter is sex related? Elders know the truth.

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A man must never be asked to state his case while his wife watches neither is a man condemned in his wife’s presence. It is an abomination.

Do it and the wife shall never respect the husband again.

We may be wrong but this is a time-tested practice.