Every culture and tradition have their own set rules for conducting marriages. The marriage institution has laid down traditional processes before two people can be called Husband and wife.
In the good old days, marriage activities and bride price negotiations are strictly left to the elders. They Follow laid down steps ;
Middle Man: The middle man (onye aka ebe or nwa ndu uzo) is an aged man who acts as a medium through which enquiries about both families are made, also replies and agreement are reached through this middle man.
When a man spots a woman he wishes to marry, he informs his parents who engage another person. It is the work of the man who was engaged by the prospective groom’s parents to make inquiries or to contact the bride’s family, the man who was engaged by the Prospective groom’s Parents is known as the middleman (Onye aka ebe or nwa ndu uzo).
The middleman makes an inquiry with the aim of knowing if the lady will make a good wife and most importantly, he makes further inquiries about the bride’s family, with a view to ascertain if both families are related in any way or if they are outcasts, etc.
When answers to his questions are to his satisfaction, he informs the parent of the groom and the groom as well, a date for the first visit is fixed.
On this first visit, only the prospective groom, the middleman and a friend/relation to the groom goes on this visit. This visit can also be called formality visit where they get to know the family of the bride to be and to make their intentions known.
The outcome of this first visit will culminate into the second visit which will now include the parents of the prospective groom and other close relations. Here, more formal discussions are made and concrete agreement for a third visit is made, which includes the discussion of the bride price payment.
One the third visit which is known as “introduction”, a gallon of palm wine(it may be more than a gallon depending on kindreds marriage list) is taken along for the visit. Terms and conditions of bride price payment are agreed and concluded that day.
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On this third visit, the girl goes home with the prospective groom so as to know where he comes from, it is called “ife ana or inene Ana or imalu ana”. The Prospective bride stays three to seven days in the prospective groom’s house.
The purpose of this visit is for the parents of the Prospective groom to familiarize with her, which entails knowing her character.
On this “ife ana” visit, the date of bride price payment is fixed depending on the disposition of the prospective bride towards the family of the prospective groom. On her return, she gives her family the go ahead if she finds it favorable.
On the day bride price payment will be made (which is the last day of the marriage visit), the groom supplies the bride’s family all that they asked him to get for the marriage to be sanctioned.
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Food is prepared by the bride’s family to entertain their visitors. Only the elders (men only ) are then allowed into the place where the bride price is paid.
After the payment of the bride price, both families recognize both of them as husband and wife.
In those days, the bride price and its requirement can be paid in bits. When a prospective husband is unable to pay it at once or very soon, he is made to work/serve the in-laws until his wages equal the bride price and the requirements, only then will be free to go home with his wife.
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However, if he is incapable of completing the payment and still not able to work, the bride goes back to her parents while the money he has already spent will be forfeited by him.
These days, these four marriage visits have been reduced to one or two visits while “Ife ana” has been fazed out.
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